Thirty? Oh, I'm thirty? Oh, come on...

Push! push! push! Hollered the midwife at the dawn of November 19 in the first year of a new decade where disposable diapers are just spawning, inside my parents small rented house in Rawis, as she saw my mother's first child's little head coming out of her. Tears of joy slowly flowed down from my mother's eyes as soon as she heard the baby's tiny cry. It's a boy! Says the midwife. It's an 8.5 lbs baby boy. And that boy child happens to be me. And yes, I was born in a house. In fact, all three of us siblings.

        Somehow, it's delightful to think about how my parents became very happy just by staring at me. I bet that must have been a moment of sheer joy. I can imagine how my father perhaps would let me grasp his finger by my tiny hands like I will never let go. He might have thought in that moment, "I'm the happiest man in the world...I'm going to do everything to protect you and to provide for you.", while watching me sleep in perfect peace.

        But there's something about those times that really became very remarkable, for it was an event in my infanthood that has been shaping my entire life. I remember my mother once talked about it. She said, she and my father would often lay their hands on me while I was sleeping and dedicate me to the Lord.They have actually offered me to God.

        From the time that I became aware of the existence of God, that's the time when the Holy Spirit convicted me of sin when I heard that preaching, and realized what Jesus did on the cross for me that I can't help myself but to believe on him and receive him in my life, I was like fourteen years old then, until now, I have always felt the hands of the Lord over my life. In other words, I have seen how the Lord has always been with me. I can really relate to some statements in the bible where we find words like "and the Lord was with Joseph...", "and the Lord walked with him", and many other similar phrases. I know that it's one thing to believe and know that God is always with us, but its another thing to actually see and feel it.

        I believe that I was born for a purpose. God has a purpose for me and all these times, he had been bringing me into that purpose. There was a time in my life when what I was really doing was to get myself out of that purpose. Although in those times that I was doing them, it wasn't my purpose, since only later did I realized my purpose. So, all I knew was that I hated my parents and I just wanted to rebel against them and against the godly system. But even in the midst of that dark chapters of my life, I still see the hand of the Lord moving in my life. I just simply can't escape it. I remember when I was almost saying these words with a clenched fist pointing to heaven..."Stay out of my life God, I don't need you." Whenever I recall these, I can't believe how foolish I had been. Never realizing that the very breath I take and even the energy to clench my fists and construct the sentence I just said was coming from Him. How could He not destroy me then? I could have easily been crushed and brought into powder by a flick of God's finger but He didn't. All those times the Lord had been very patient to me. Thank God, God is not like men. These experiences led me to believe that He must have had a purpose for me for sparing and sustaining me.

        Now that I'm thirty...wow, I'm not even ashamed to tell it, hahaha, how could I give up believing that God is not done with me yet? I believe He isn't. If He was, I can't be here writing this blog in the first place. Although whether I like it or not, this is a considerable age of an adult, and that really sounds old, but there is really one thing that comforts me having reached this age. I must consider this as a consolation upon stepping on this part of my life's ladder. You know what it is? This is the same age when Jesus Christ started his earthly ministry! When he started telling folks about the truth of God's kingdom and healing the blind men, the deaf, the leprous, the crooked, touching people's lives and really showing to the world what true love is all about and displaying an unprecedented act of humility and compassion. Wow! I really feel privileged to be in that same age! 

        Last Saturday, the church prepared a surprise birthday party for me. I wasn't really expecting it, and I have not demanded for it. I could treat my birthday just like an ordinary day and I'll be happy still. But to tell you honestly, it was my first time to have a birthday party, like a real party ever since my memory started working. I received birthday wishes plus a barong that the church bought for a present. I started to get convinced that this must be another milestone for a new beginning. There's just something special about it! Anyway, it all started from a call from brother Bong at around 6:00 p.m. inviting me for a dinner at their house. Me assuming that it would just be like another usual dinner that we had before, I didn't even cared to change my clothes after buying at a family mall. I was in my "maong" shorts, polo shirt and flip flop slippers. So Bong came to fetch me at around 6:45 p.m., rode on his motorcycle and went straightway to our chapel. I asked him "why are we going here?" He said, "we're just going to check out something." The gate was open and lights were off when we came inside the chapel grounds but until at this point, I have no idea of what's waiting for us in there. He stopped the bike in front of the chapel's main door, they turned on the lights and started yelling surprise. So there the party went on and it was such a blast.

        But to slice out some portion of that party, after they were all finished giving their birthday wishes, it was time for me to say something. I was really very happy that night not because I had a great birthday party but because I saw how the church members are growing in love. They learned how to love the Lord that resulted in loving the man of the Lord. They asked me where I would be five years from now. I said, I'll still be here for you.

        Even before my birthday came, thinking about how in this age Christ started his earthly ministry, I said to myself that even though people always say that life begins at forty, I will begin my life at thirty. Yes I always want to be ten years younger than others, hahaha. I will do everything I can, my best to show love, care, mercy and humility in every way I can. Lord, let me touch lives and let people see your everlasting glory in everything I do. Let this be a beginning of a life like you said in your word..."He will be like a tree planted by the rivers, yeilding its fruits in season." let me be that tree, let it begin at thirty.

When all hopes seem to vanish...

Ok, Thursday, my pastor friend from Gigmoto, pastor Jesse came over our house at around 9 a.m. to do our project of a video presentation for their church anniversary on Sunday. After eating breakfast together, I turned on the computer and inserted his flash drive where he believed he stored all the picture files that will be used for the project. To my surprise, I found only thumbnail pictures of their baby and files that are irrelevant to the project. The only ones relevant are some less than 10 blurry pictures from a hard copy photo that was next taken by their digital camera. 

I knew I was doing the right thing as far as my computer knowledge and skills are concerned. I was sure I haven't deleted anything and I haven't even scanned the drive by my anti-virus program yet. I don't know if he thinks maybe I did just that, but I showed him everything including the odds of bringing the wrong drive, well, he said, there is no other drive other than that. He said, he tripled check the files before leaving and they were all there. Whoa, I might really have accidentally deleted them. Had it really happened, I can't believe how dumb I was.  

So he started calling his wife in Gigmoto, like more than 50 kilometers from us, and all hopes of ever finishing the project seem to vanish into thin air. I was considering the effort made in preparing those files plus the terrain that he has to travel in order to get here, not to mention their excitement, and his anticipation of how nice it would be if those pictures would appear on the project, and then, all of a sudden, they're gone. I know the often immediate response to this situation is finding who's to blame. But we're losing time and there seem to be no other option but forget about the project. He planned to send his camera back and shoot pictures of whatever is left and, God only knows what may come out. But I wasn't really into that plan. It's very desperate and impractical. Whew!

Well, here's what happened. While looking on the screen, both of us, with faces of awful disbelief, I accidentally opened his Word file of some certificate that he immediately said, "I just printed it out from a computer shop earlier this morning."  Wow, that's it! That's the cue! Man, I can't believe it came out of nowhere, and literally saved our day! 

Instantly, in a flash, I thought, "Hey, they must have had the files! It could be that they scanned the flash drive and found viruses in your files and quarantined the folders! Or maybe they, in one way or another, have accidentally drag the folders and who knows what else could have happened that your files were transferred on their computer. Your files could be there! As far as I'm concerned, this is our only hope of ever seeing those pictures again and go on with the project. Not one hour has passed yet since they had your flash drive so go back, they must have not deleted them yet, at least, if ever." Pastor Jesse ran to the computer shop as fast as he could and I prayed, Lord, we hope for the best. 

As soon as he got back with a huge smile on his face, I know things has turned out the way that we hoped. It was exactly what happened. We recovered the files and started working on the project. 

It was a rainy Thursday afternoon but I haven't forgotten our schedule of campus bible study at 5:30 p.m.. I  phoned my student coordinator telling him that no rain can ever stop us from conducting our bible studies. So me and pastor Jesse proceeded to the campus at 5 p.m., riding on his motorcycle against the rain with an umbrella. The students were already there waiting as we arrived. 

Certainly, a quarter before 6 p.m. of a rainy September must be a gloomy time, but when  six first time attenders came inside the room, 3 guys and 3 ladies, it became like a bright noon day. I'm glad to see their faces and showing an in-concealable desire to listen to the word of the Lord. I taught about "assurance of salvation", a very important truth presented in the bible that each of us should cherish. 

Well, after dinner, we continued with pastor Jesse's project and finished it at around 12:30 a.m. I went to bed at almost 1:00 a.m. and thank the Lord for another great day He has made. 

Everyday is a blessing,

No matter how others fill it with cursing.

We must thank the Lord always

For we move and live only by his grace - gendo

Was God visiting me?

"Lord, have mercy on me, please...have mercy..." "I know I've done terrible sins but spare me Lord, spare me..." These are my groaning  after being awakened by a very intimidating presence around 2:00 o'clock a.m. last Tuesday. It was repeated for I think three times during that night. The feeling is so hard to explain. This is now I think the third time that I am being awakened in the middle of the night, and feel that strange but very real feeling of great fright that sinks deeper to my bones to my soul and spirit. I literally trembled. It was like the glory of the Lord was all over the room. Above, behind, below, my sides and in front of me that there's no way and there's no place I can hide. It's making me shrink. There's nothing I can do but lay prostrate and groan. 

I do not know how many other people out there are having the same experience, but I can relate to the records of people in the Bible who went through the same, whose lives God changed and committed themselves to a most daring task of doing God's plan. We can hear of Samuel, of Gideon,  Isaiah and many more. I cannot express details of sights as what those men have seen. I cannot describe things like seeing a blazing throne with angels crying Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts, but one thing I can be sure of, the glory of the Lord was encircling me...apprehending me, during this wee hours of the night. 

I can attest to the life changing effect of such an encounter, for the moment I woke up in the morning, I was reassured that I am indeed His child, and His servant, being loved unconditionally and been forgiven from all sins and was called for His purpose, that no matter how many times I have failed, He did not and would not use them to accuse me, and still want to use me for his glory.

Lord, I know it was a visit. And though I am such a worm, you did not consumed me. Your mercy preserved me. And I want to thank you for allowing me to get even that close, so close to Your glory and still live.

Happy day

      I knew this is going to be a great Sunday from the moment I woke up till I had my first cup of coffee today. I went to the piano, played some tune, and got myself ready for church. Afterward, I headed to church with a different kind of excitement like I never had before. But the setting at church, as soon as I got there seem to not jive with my mood. It seem to have a subtle intention of messing up my zesty feeling. Although I admit I was a little late, but it was a  time at church that is supposed to have some church people already starting to fill up the chairs. But it looks like the rapture just took place and me and a couple of teachers are the only ones who got left behind. Now, where are God's people today? But it was awesome how this time, I wasn't even disappointed, meaning, the situation didn't ruin my hour.

       It was almost nine o'clock when people started arriving; and then, I saw at the gate brother Jeff with three of the students that we bible study in Catanduanes State Colleges. That was such a moment in time. A moment of sheer joy. Brother Mar, the diabetic folk whose withering foot made me pass out last Friday, hahaha, also arrived. Now, things are just starting to get even more exciting!  I finished my Sunday School class and started greeting people with a handshake. So, we started the worship service at almost 9:20 a.m. 

       My mother sang in the service a tagalog version of the classic song "Down from His Glory" which Elvis Presley popularized during his era and was secularized later. See, the word "glory" is starting to appear. haha.

       Bro. Bong followed with a song that is my all time favorite, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus". Just another song that tells of the ever wondrous glory of the Lord.

       I stood up behind the pulpit afterwards and preached about the glory of God whose text is found in Isaiah chapter 6. It was a message that really blessed me a lot, first of all. It is my utmost desire for the church that every one of the members will truly be in love with the Lord and really see the infinite, matchless beauty of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is hard to compel people to serve God if they are not really in love with Him. Whereas, if folks are truly in love with God, the word compelling even becomes irrelevant. 

      Service was over and now I was back on my computer at home checking some online notifications. Suddenly, my phone rang and I ran to pick it up, but really doesn't know who was calling since it was a new number appearing on my screen.  I answered and yes, it was a stranger but not really that kind of strange because I had him as friend in facebook. He was the brother of the one who responded at my Green Barley ad on my facebook wall. Well, we had the same family name and the same place of origin of our grandfathers, Daet, Camarines Norte. He introduced himself and told me how he went to Health Wealth's office to buy ten bottles of Green Barley and told me how it helped lower his mothers blood sugar and told me furthermore how he is so interested to becoming a dealer.  At this point, I was having a big, big smile on my face and acting like crazy for too much happiness. It was really unexpected. I actually did not assume that his brother who was in abroad would took his interest seriously. But it's here now and I just can't stop thanking the Lord.

         Well, it was almost 5:00 o'clock and I have a discipleship class at church so I need to go to church again. But...not again, the morning setting  is here again! Only two of my students came, well, three, the other one came late. I decided to cancel the class and just talked about funny movies and cartoons with the three. We had a good laugh and again it didn't ruined my hour. 

         Fifteen minutes before we will start our evening service, the power was cut off. Time to start and still, no power. Let's wait a little more, it could be that it will resume in less than 5 minutes.  But time passed, and still no sign of power. We lighted candles and we started singing short choruses trying to pretend that we are in 1st century A.D. during the early church. You see how someone was trying to mess up my day but he seem to not succeed at all? Well, I know why. I was in the presence of the Lord and in the presence of the LOrd is fulness of joy, in His right hand are pleasures forevermore!

      

Black Out

     I was not able to blog in the past days since I went to Naga City last Monday, August 23 to meet my cousin and his wife there for business purposes. It was a productive trip though. I was able to sell 3 green barley boxes to three of my pastor friends. 

     I arrived in Virac yesterday afternoon, Thursday, August 26 and as soon as I got home, I just changed my clothes and proceeded to the State Colleges to conduct our Thursday campus Bible study.  

     At 4:00 o'clock today, me and my mother went to Baras, Catanduanes, that's like a 45 minute motorcycle ride from where I live, to visit a church member who is sick of diabetes. The man had been absent from church for like more than a month now. We arrived safe to his house and found the man having his right foot bandaged and was laying his back on a bench with his wife sewing some bedsheets on her sewing machine. They greeted us, shook hands, and we started our conversations. But as soon as our conversations are not  yet exceeding to 10 minutes, the patient started removing the bandage on his right foot. I started to smell the stench of his diabetic wound that's been going for more than a month now.  This is where I told him not to open it furthermore, not to show me the wound. But he seem to be not listening at all. I actually don't get the point why he is trying to show us that nasty uhhh! So he continued unwrapping his foot. I was trying to help myself by saying to myself, I came here to visit to encourage them and not to offend them by any means. So I tried not to show my disgust to what I'm seeing. Man, I just saw a rotting foot flesh! and don't forget the smell! That thing was like a huge sinkhole in a huge crater with a little choco and cream inside! hahahahahaha

     But as the thing gets more disgusting, my eyes got hooked on it. I can't stop looking at it. Until I started to feel my saliva loosely flowing inside my cheeks and my vision started to get dim. I knew it wasn't a strange feeling for me, I had it before, and it always leads to blackout. I knew if I'm going to pass out, it's going to be the third time. I told my mother, I ain't feeling good, I can't see a thing. And that's the last thing I remember. Whew! I was sweating a cold sweat so hard and I just didn't knew what happened. I passed out. Then, I started to hear my mother's panicking voice little by little and I remember saying, I'm gonna be fine now...just get me some guava leaves so I can smell it. I tried to open my eyes and saw some folks from the neighborhood saying things like, are we going to take him to the hospital? What happened? Is he alright now? Man, I can't believe I wasn't able to help myself not to pass out. I felt helpless. 

     And so, after sniffing those guava leaves from my mother's hands, I recovered. I said, I'm back. I saw how my mother got so afraid. Maybe she thought I'm going to die, haha. She said, I looked like there's no more blood circulating my body. She said, I remember your father when he died. It looked so like that. Unbelievable...

    Well, as soon as I was fine, his wife came out from the kitchen with a plate of pan de legaspi bread and a pitcher of orange juice. Oh come'on, how on earth do you think can I eat that? hahahaha

     Anyway, we continue our conversations, talked about the goodness of God, planned an event and ended with a prayer. So we went home and arrived at exactly 7 p.m. I just washed my face and proceeded to another church member's house for our home discipleship class being held at that house every Friday evening. It was a great day though. It made me realize so many things again. Learned lessons and praised God for being so great that we always have to entrust our lives to Him, and give our lives in His service. Thank you Lord.

12:58 a.m.

Tomorrow, or rather, later, will be a very exciting day to worship the Lord in the church. We have a guest speaker, a pastor friend of mine name Timothy Rempillo who happens to be a pastor's kid also like me. Yesterday, we had a great time at the beach, Twin Rocks beach resort; we talked about life in the ministry and shared about each others well, love life. We were so having a good conversation that we haven't noticed that it was almost 5:00 p.m. and we have an appointment with Pastor Frank Arcilla. Anyway, I told him to wait for us at least till six o'clock. And at 6:00 p.m. we went to their house and had fellowship together. We had a great dinner with them with lots of chicken nuggets, ampalaya salad and bananas.